YOUR PREZNIT SAID IT! On April 10, 2006, Preznit Dubya addressed a group of students at the Johns Hopkins School of Advanced International Studies in Washington, DC. The question-and-answer period that followed his prepared remarks offered a rare and revealing glimpse into the inner workings of the mind of the man in whose hands rests the Fate of the Free World. Some highlights from this never-to-be-repeated event are included herewith for your amusement and perusal, without explication or context. If, for some reason, you feel the need to read the questions that the Preznit was attempting to answer, please refer to the full transcript. - YOPJ *** **** *** "Look, I -- during the 2000 campaign, I don't remember ever discussing with people what -- could I handle war, or could my opponent handle war. The war wasn't on our mind. War came unexpectedly. We didn't ask for the attack, but it came. And so much of the statements I make and have made since that war were a result of that attack." *** **** *** "We're a influential nation, and so, therefore, many problems come to the Oval Office. And you don't know what those problems are going to be, which then argues for having smart people around. That's why you ought to serve in government if you're not going to be the President." *** **** *** "I want you to understand this principle, and it's an important debate and it's worth debating here in this school, as to whether or not freedom is universal, whether or not it's a universal right of all men and women. It's an interesting part of the international dialogue today. And I think it is universal. And if you believe it's universal, I believe this country has -- should act on that concept of universality. And the reason I do is because I do believe freedom yields the peace." *** **** *** "If you're studying how to achieve diplomatic ends, it might be worthwhile noting -- I think at least -- with the United States being the sole interlocutor between Iran, it makes it more difficult to achieve the objective of having the Iranians give up their nuclear weapons ambitions. It's amazing that when we're in a bilateral position, or kind of just negotiating one on one, somehow the world ends up turning the tables on us. And I'm not going to put my country in that position -- our country in that position. Also, I think it's more effective that the three of us -- the four of us work closely together." *** **** *** "The doctrine of prevention is to work together to prevent the Iranians from having a nuclear weapon. I know -- I know here in Washington prevention means force. It doesn't mean force, necessarily. In this case, it means diplomacy. And by the way, I read the articles in the newspapers this weekend. It was just wild speculation, by the way. What you're reading is wild speculation, which is -- it's kind of a -- happens quite frequently here in the nation's capital." *** **** *** "I was going to -- I pick up the phone and say, Mr. Secretary, I've got an interesting question. This is what delegation -- I don't mean to be dodging the question, although it's kind of convenient in this case, but never -- I really will -- I'm going to call the Secretary and say you brought up a very valid question, and what are we doing about it? That's how I work. I'm -- thanks." *** **** *** "There's too much flattery, too much ego, too much criticism, too much noise, too much politics, too much that for a President to try to kind of grope his way around looking at the latest public opinion poll. In my judgment, it doesn't serve the nation well." *** **** *** "And so, to answer your question, yes, I hear the protests. And I can understand why. I can understand why people are concerned about war. Nobody likes war, particularly me. I knew exactly what was going to happen when I committed these troops into harm's way. I knew there would be -- people would lose their life. And I knew I'd be trying to comfort mothers and fathers and grieving wives. I knew exactly what was coming." *** **** *** "Yes. No, I -- this is -- there's an ongoing legal proceeding which precludes me from talking a lot about the case. There's also an ongoing investigation that's a serious investigation." *** **** *** "I'm a little -- the North Korean nuclear issue disturbs me, but also equally disturbs me is the fact that people are being starved to death. And it should disturb the world. It should disturb all of us. The North Korea issue dominates my discussions with South Korea. However, there's a -- South Korea and America has committed ourselves to the peace that comes, or the balance that comes with the U.S. force presence there in South Korea, although it's been reduced, as well." *** **** *** "I keep repeating this, I know, but I firmly believe that one way you lay the foundation for peace is to spread liberty and freedom. And there -- again, I understand there's a debate. There's a legitimate debate. I'm just telling you what my position is. And I got something to say about it." *** **** *** "I'm -- it sounds like I'm dodging here, but, again, you know more about this subject than I, and I will be glad to call Condi and talk to her about our policy. I thought we had a very robust strategy on exploitation of women and children, particularly around the world. I think I addressed this subject at the United Nations and was the only world leader to do. But as specifically about our position on prostitution, I'm going to have to talk to the Secretary about it." *** **** *** "I'm not saying to countries, you've got to look like us or act like us, but I am saying, you know, give your people a chance to be free. And I think it's necessary for America to take the lead on this issue. I think it is -- I think it is vital for our future that we encourage liberty, and in this case, the Middle East. And as you said, it doesn't necessarily run contrary to what the Prophet Mohammad said." *** **** *** "That's one of the lessons of the attack on the United States. You know, the world seemed fine, didn't it? It seemed kind of placid -- there was a bubble here, a bubble there. But everything seemed all right. And yet, beneath the surface, there was tremendous resentment. And it's now come to the -- and so how do you defeat their -- now, if you don't think they have a ideology or a point of view, and/or a strategy to impose it, you're not going to understand why you think the United States ought not to be as active as we are. But I believe differently." *** **** *** "The immigration debate is an important debate. I don't -- my point is -- and I'll be glad to opine on it if you like. I think we need to be -- understand that we're a nation of immigrants, that we ought to be compassionate about this debate and provide a -- obviously, we've got to secure the border and enforce the law. But one way to do so is to make sure that people who are coming in here to work have a legal -- get a card so they don't have to try to sneak across the border, which takes pressure off our border." *** **** *** "I've got a pretty good antennae. I'm able to -- see, I get a pretty good sense of how people are trending." *** **** *** "All right, I've got to go to work. This isn't work, this is enjoyable. I want to thank you all for giving me a chance to come by and visit with you. Thanks for considering serving our country. It's a noble calling. It's a noble calling, and worthwhile. God bless you." Send all Jokes, Letters and other stuff to Jerky: jerkyleboeuf@gmail.com

ON THIS DAY April 11 After nearly 900 uninterrupted years, the rule of the Shoguns (generals) over the isolated island nation of Japan is abolished on this day in 1868. Within four years, Japan was unified, imperial rule was restored, and the stage was set for a half-century of insanely bloody and pathologically sadistic war-making against Russia, China, the United States and England's Asian colonies, all of which was finally brought to a brutal end by the dropping of two atomic bombs at the end of World War II. On this day in 1899, Spain cedes Puerto Rico to the United States. To this day, we still haven't figured out what to do with it. On this day in 1968, President Lyndon B. Johnson signs the Civil Rights Act, prohibiting discrimination in the sale, rental, and financing of housing. Democrats still have yet to fully recover from the overnight loss of their former stronghold, the racist South. On this day in 2002, Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez is kidnapped at gunpoint and spirited away via helicopter by treasonous military officials in league with that country's media and petroleum oligarchs. A massive popular uprising takes the traitors by surprise, however, forcing them to abandon their takeover attempt in mid-coup. Chavez returns to the capital, more popular than ever.

THEY SAID IT! "There are a lot of nations in this world where people are kooky, but only America has the military outreach to project our kookiness onto the world. That is why more than any nation state, America desperately needs a military draft. ... A military draft of our Rambos would immediately tie their words to their actions, behavior would no longer be removed from consequences, and life would no longer be cost-free. So tell me, just how important is it for you to liberate those Iraqi women? How about enough to blow two years of your life in the mindless U.S. military? Possibly lose a chunk of your body for a lifetime?" - Stewart Nusbaumer has a few things to say about the ugly "D" word. *** **** *** "For Pete's sake, if you can't trust your Supreme Court justice more than that, get a life. I think the proudest thing I have done on the bench is not allowed myself to be chased off that case." - November Criminal Antonin "Fat Tony" Scalia boasts to an audience of law students about his infamous recusal refusal on a case involving his hunting buddy and criminal co-conspirator, Big Dick Cheney.

JOKES! Today's first joke was sent in by N8Possibilities! Ralph arrived at his Internal Revenue Service audit accompanied by another man. The IRS agent assumed the other man was Ralph's attorney. Going over his records, the IRS official said, "Well, sir, it appears that you live at a much higher level than your reported employment income. How do you explain that?" Ralph replied, "I love to gamble and I usually win." The skeptical official gave him a disbelieving look. "I can prove it," said Ralph. "How about a demonstration?" The official thought a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead." Ralph said, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye." The auditor thought a moment and said, "No way! It's a bet!" Ralph removed his glass eye and bit it. The official's jaw dropped. Ralph said, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye." The official could tell Ralph wasn't blind, so he took the bet. Ralph then removed his dentures and bit his good eye. The stunned official was now three grand in the hole. "Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asked. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on your desk and piss into that wastebasket by the door over there and never get a drop anywhere in between." The auditor, twice burned, was cautious now, but there's no way this guy could manage that stunt, so he agreed again! Ralph climbed up on the auditor's desk, missed the wastebasket completely, and pretty much peed all over the desk. The official grinned. He had just turned a huge loss into a huge win! But then he noticed that Ralph's friend looked ashen and was visibly shaking. "Are you okay?" he asked The man replied, "Not really. Before we arrived, Ralph bet me twenty thousand dollars he'd piss on your desk and you'd be happy about it!" *** *** *** Thanks to our old pal Ericsongs for sending in today's second joke. Bob calls his buddy Sam, the horse rancher, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse. Sam asks, "How will I recognize him?" That's easy, he's a midget with a speech impediment." So, the midget shows up, and Sam asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse. "A female horth." So he shows him a prized filly. "Nith lookin horth, can I thee her eyeth?" Sam picks up the midget, and he gives the horse's eyes the once over. "Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth?" So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears. "Nith earzth, can I see her mouf?" The rancher is gettin' pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again, and shows him the horse's mouth. "Nice mouf. Can I see her twat?" Totally mad at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms, and rams the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's twat, pulls him out, and slams him on the ground! The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing. "Perhapth I should rephrase that... Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit?" WORST JOKE OF THE DAY Today's groaner was sent in by Andres Raid... "Good evening ladies", Sherlock Holmes said as he passed three women eating bananas on a park bench. "Do you know them?" Dr. Watson asked. "No", Holmes replied, "I've never met the nun, the prostitute or the new bride we just passed." "Good Lord, Holmes, how in the world did you know all that?" "Elementary, my dear Watson. The nun ate the banana by holding it in one hand and using the fingers of the other hand to properly break the fruit into small pieces." "The prostitute", he continued, "grabbed with both hands and crammed the whole thing into her mouth." "Amazing!" Watson exclaimed. "But how did you know the third was a newlywed?" "Because she held it one hand and pushed her head toward it with the other."

READER'S SOAPBOX! Got a gripe? Pet peeve? Have your say in the Daily Dirt! Columns can pretty much be about anything, as long they meet the following criteria: 1) don't write shit that'll get us in trouble. 2) Keep it interesting. 3) Keep it short. 4) We don't edit your mistakes. Oh yeah! feel free to send a picture of yourself if you want. TOPIC: NO WAY OUT care of: Perplexed Jerky, I read and listen to all this disgruntled anti-Republican diatribe... I consider, ponder and contemplate the informaiton. However, I always come back to the same conclusion: You cannot reduce the threat of tyranny and oppression by focusing on one single branch of an out-of-control, power-hungry government hell bent on depriving every one us of our most basic freedoms (it only starts w/ mandatory helmet laws, seatbelt laws, anti-choice laws...). It just so happens that GWB is the latest (and certainly one of the most fatuous) in a series of puppet presidents... keeping in mind that those who have protested or rebuked the puppeteers were simply eliminated. Clinton had his hands in a lot of dirty dealings... arms, drugs, mysterious suicides, etc. While it was always interesting listening to his speeches (he sure knew how to please a crowd), he was still a puppet - and an eager one at that. He liked power, celebrity and frequent sex (and apparently wasn't too picky about who provided the sexual favors). Gore, too, had his shortcomings - although I admire his steadfast support to environmental concerns, which Republican administrations appeart to care less about. In any event, I guess my point is that to focus on one branch of the tree to point an accusatory finger at seems to me to be misguided and blind to the subterfuge concocted by TPTB to keep us running at each other in anger, panic & mistrust. It's the root of the tree from whence the evil source originates. Just my view from the cheap seats. Remember, now, I'm anonymous, or... Perplexed [In other words, there's no way out. - Jerky] FIRST AMENDMENT ZONE / ASK JERKY! My Old Pal Jerky; Hope you're doing well. its been a long time since I've buzzed you but I haven't stopped reading. I can't remember when I first got the dailydirt in my inbox, but it was during your tenure and I'm still reading it every day. Sometimes you can get a bit repetitive but so does everyone after so many years (it's always a cause for celebration when there's a 'On This Day' that I haven't read four or five times). Keep up the good work. Sax [Thanks for your kind words, Sax! It's always great to hear from long time readers. Furthermore, all of today's 'On This Day' entries are fresh originals... in your honor! - Jerky] *** **** *** Hey Jerky, I'm sure you've heard this crap about blasting a hole into the moon and eventually having an "outpost" there. I can't fucking believe it! On our one and only moon?!? I'm so pissed off about it, as it seems like another stupid, stupid idea of TPTB. Who the hell do they think they are??? Hasn't anybody seen The Time Machine? I know it's just a movie, but I really think it could happen. The moon does not belong to the U.S. and should not be fucked with. If all this happens, we'll eventually have no moon and what will that do to the Earth? I'm not too far from NASA here in FL and I'm thinking about what I can do about it, if anything. What do you think about all this Jerky? I'd love to get your opinion! A Whole Lotta Peace & Love, Sindy [If these idiots succeed in blasting a hole in the moon, it'll be the first thing they do that I approve of. The moon has had it coming for a long time, if you ask me. - Jerky] *** **** *** What would Jesus say? Simple… Let us Pray for Awakening. All Praises due to President, George W. Bush. Because of his absolute fumbling of all things that matter, He and his A Team have finally awakened the sleeping giant of humanity, which, in a perfect world, will soon rise up and devour the corrupt, inept, deceptive oligarchy which has become the Definitive International Corporate World-Alliance Domination Society (D.I.C.W.A.D.S). And, God Willing, history will surely bear them all out as the spiritual geniuses they never had any intention of becoming. Amen. PurpleDonkey, out! [Jesus Christ, Whatta Mess. - Jerky] *** **** *** Oh wisest and humblest of sages, Have you listened to Queensryche: Operation Mindcrime lately? I doubt this album would pass Homeland Security standards if it were released today. There may be some younger folk who haven't heard the likes of "Seven years of power, the corporation claw. The rich control the government, the media, the law" et. al. If you yourself have not given this a fresh listen in light of the past 7 years, I propose you do so. This could easily be the soundtrack for the revolution against the fascist puppet-masters (or, maybe, for the OTHER fascist puppet-masters). Keep spreading the good words of Truth, the lies cannot be maintained perpetually. The wise will listen and hear. Also, spread some news on the media smokescreen about the "immigrant issue" spread to distract from the truly imporntant issues the "liberal" media is avoiding. Sorry to ramble, it's been a fucked up day. 'Till the end, Spades [Saw them live with Metalica, April 1st, 1989, at the Moncton Coliseum maaaan. I have since soured on their unique brand of whiny art-metal, but will give my O:M CD one last spin... just for you! - Jerky] *** **** *** dude, your latest poll... i'm most likely to die by an accident. either caused by a future wife, a future girlfreind's husband, or just some random alphabet soup organization. just felt the need to share bro!! KingZod [Thanks! I chose suicide, but most likely brought on by impending illness or global cataclysm. So I'm iffy. - Jerky] *** **** *** Hi Jerks, Watching another 9/11 film, I had an idea. Could it be possible that the towers were pre fitted with self destruct explosive charges when they were built, so that if there was any danger of them coming down, at least they would not cause damage to the peripheral buildings? If they were and someone pulled the switch, I'm sure they didn't want to own up to doing it and being responsible for the deaths of 3,000 people. It might be worth checking. Etna Fred [I think that's a pretty cuckoo idea. - Jerky] *** **** *** Steve Forbes, editor of Forbes Magazine predicts that skyrocketing oil prices are just temporary and that a massive price collapse will dwarf the Dot-Com crash that began in 2000. British Petroleum recently reported that current oil reserves would last for at least half a century. And contrary to dire warnings that oil production has peaked and the earth is running out of oil, Daniel Yergin (chairman of Cambridge Energy Research Associates) says there will be a large, buildup of oil supplies in the next few years. What is really going on? I do not know, but it appears that politics or something really big is controlling the world's financial markets and the good news is that gasoline prices will probably go back down pretty soon. You read it here. Make note of this. OK? Invested in oil? Prices going down to maybe $40/barrel. Believe it. David [Don't be offended that I'm not holding my breath. - Jerky] To stop getting the Dirt, go to: www.dirtdaily.com/takemeoff.html

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